Mateo...

"It should not be denied that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It’s associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations, with absolute freedom."

This morning I enjoyed the moon again. I almost missed the full moon, it's just slipped away. But this morning, early in the morning, I took pleasure between the daytime, a distant moon and fall.  I sat in the streets, lonely, so lonely, and heard the leaves, falling, cracking. Do we fall, do we crack? Think is necessary to fall and realize how distant the moon is. It's necessary to rise and look for that moon again, cause between moon and leaves has to be no range, no distance. It's necessary to crack not to feel, but to release the pain. Realese frustration, realese fears. Every time we crack, every time leaves crack, we are, we feel freedom. The freedom that gives us chances to travel, to dream, to reach our moon, my moon again. Leaves fight every year with the necessity of release pain and feel closer with their moon. Even if it's in daytime I enjoy this particular thing, the Moon is always there, right above me, right beside, right behind me. The problem in me is, I can't realese my pain without my moon. I can't even think of living without a moon. And not talking about living without nights, but living without the existance of a moon. The moon is more perfect than sun, even if is not full. She -'cause she is a 'she'- gives me the power to leave my fears behind, to release everypain. And also gives me that chance to dream, to reach her. Who's giving me now that strenght? Difference between me and leaves is I do not believe in distance. Any distance. Wherever, however, whenever it comes or you go. And I do not believe in plans, cause they define lif and then, feelings. I made a plan to reach her once, thanks god it went wrong, or not, not wrong, but I let it change from the very beginning. And I am grateful.

Leaving aside the poetic, now I have to face the 'reality'.
'Stop dreaming, you won't never get there, how can you even imagine that! You went once, you did it, right, perfect, but it's done boy, why don't you just get a life, a job, a career here for once' says a friend. And the question is already answered.  I do not conceive a life here.  A happy life. Maybe a miserable, unhappy, full of routine, hardworker, bored, unmotiveted, no love, no accomplishments life, beacuse any big thing you do would be predesigned, not surprising life. An "absolut life" I might call it. And I don't want an absolute life, don't want a perfect life (an ordinary life). Even if i live in mediocrity, in poverty, I need love to carry on, even if is daytime, I need a moon to keep alive. And there's just one moon who gives me that, and as I told, I do not believe in any distance. Is it necessarti to fight? To struggle? To suffer? Yes, maybe, I think so, but, what for? For an 'absolute life' ? No, NO!
Not for an absolute life, but for an absolute freedom.-
I'm not talking about lack of obligations, lack of work. Not talkig about freedom itself. It's mental peace. That freedom is what I, and the entire universe, need, mental peace.
Nowadays, I just can find it in the moon."